From Managing to Mentoring: How Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory Helped

From Managing to Mentoring: How Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory Helped Shift My Approach to Parenting

He didn’t answer. Again.

And even though I told myself not to spiral, I did. Is he okay? Should I text again? Does it sound familiar?

I had to remind myself of everything I have been coaching on over the years - about independence, trust, and raising capable young men. But in that moment, all I felt was the ache of letting go.

For years, I managed it all - school drop-offs, meal planning, sports schedules, late-night talks, and last-minute project runs. Like you, I was the CEO of my family, the one in charge, ensuring everything ran smoothly. But now? Now, our role is shifting. And let’s be honest—it’s hard. It’s emotional. And it feels like no one prepared us for this part of the journey.

Parenting has always been about raising healthy, independent young adults. And guess what? You did it. You are doing it. Our kids are stepping into their own, making choices—some great, some… well, let us just call them “learning opportunities.” And now you are left figuring out how to let go while still being there when they need you.

This past year has been a struggle for me. My husband and I have two sons—one in Vancouver at university and the other about to graduate high school. And let me tell you, this last year has felt different. We have always believed that by Grade 11, our boys should be making 80-90% of their decisions on their own, learning from natural consequences. And even though I believe that in my core, stepping back has been so much harder than I expected.

There has been this constant tug-of-war in me—the urge to “manage” them into making the right choices. When my eldest doesn’t pick up the phone or takes longer to respond, fear creeps in. And to be honest, it sometimes hurts. It is so easy to slip into the mindset of Why isn’t he calling me back? Is something wrong? Doesn’t he need my help? But the truth? They are not on our timeline anymore. They have their own goals, their own priorities. And that is exactly how it should be.

Then, I read Let Them by Mel Robbins. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. Mel talks about how we spend so much time trying to control outcomes, trying to make people do what we think is best for them. But the real freedom? The real peace? It comes when we let them. Let them make their own decisions. Let them experience the pain of a poor choice. Let them learn, grow, and come to us when they are ready. Because the harder we try to control, the more they pull away. And the last thing I want is my sons avoiding me.

So, I have stopped offering unsolicited advice (though I am still a work in progress). I want them to want to come to me, not feel like they have to. My role now is to be a mentor, a safe space - not a manager. That does not mean turning a blind eye or enabling poor decisions, but I won’t be swooping in to rescue them. Instead, I want experience to be their teacher. Unless it’s something dangerous or life-altering, I am stepping back. Choosing to love them through it, reminding them I am here, and trusting I raised them well.

And we also need to remind ourselves that this chapter is not just about them. It’s about us too. So many women come to me asking, What’s my purpose now? Have I done enough? How do I fill my time? But what if, instead, you asked yourself, what is this new space in my life calling me to do? What if you saw this transition as an opportunity—not just to support your kids in their growth but to rediscover yourself in the process?

This is your chance to reflect, to dream again, to step into your next chapter with intention. Your kids are still watching you. And just like you have always wanted the best for them, they want the same for you. When they see you building a life you love, when they see you thriving, they will be inspired. They will cheer you on. They will come to you, not because they need you to manage them, but because they want you in their corner.

So, let them. And while you’re at it? Let yourself.

If you need support navigating this transition, I am here to help. Let’s walk this new chapter together. Click HERE to get started.